When I was in kindergarten, Mom made me a very cool clown costume for Halloween – it had orange and black polka dots. I left home that morning to walk the four blocks to school. Before arriving at school, older kids teased me so I turned around and headed back home. I had yet to learn the correct hand/finger combination to use in such a situation, nor had I developed the self-confidence to ignore them and forge ahead with the pride that I had prior to the confrontation.
When I showed up back at home, Mom was relaxing with a cup of coffee. She gave me the “sticks and stones may break my bones” talk, explained that some people are just not kind and that we ignore them and go on about our business. She did not teach the correct hand/finger combination, nor did she provide boxing lessons.
I said I was not going to school. She said, “School is your job. We do our jobs.” She allowed me to change into regular school clothes and then, despite my protestations, walked me to school. She did not complain to Administration that older kids were “bullying” me. She focused her energy on helping me build the self-confidence and work ethic to succeed in a world where people aren’t necessarily nice.
Mom, Dad and Grandma Eva were the leaders of my early life. Dad’s approach to that situation would have been to knock them down, step over them and get to school. Grandma’s approach would have been a soul piercing stare that instilled fear as I walked on to school. Since I lacked the skill for Dad or Grandma’s approach, Mom was the right leader, coach and mentor for the situation.
Fast forward to now. I sleep with the teacher, so each evening I get a report on the day’s happenings at school. Kids are pretty open about what goes on at home and, kids also lie. I hear all the stories about both school and students’ homes. Thus, I know that some parents are consciously competent and deliberate about raising kids to be responsible adults who will be positive contributors to society. Other parents are unconsciously incompetent at the job.
Case in point – James and Billy are brothers and both go to the same school. James is in 4th grade and Billy is in 2nd grade. James is sick and mom is there to take him home. Billy the 2nd grader tries to work mom to take him home also. The teacher overhears the conversation to the point where Billy, whining, tells his mom it is unfair that he should have to stay at school when his brother gets to go home.
Mom tells The Teacher that she will be taking Billy home along with James. The teacher steps-up to be the missing parent. “Absolutely not.” The teacher says, channeling my mom. “Billy, your job is to be at school, so go back in the room and get back to work.” “But that’s not fair,” he responds. “What’s not fair is for you to miss a day of learning because your brother is sick. Now back to work.” Mom bids a good day and beats a hasty retreat with James.
Leaders step-up. Remember (CPA): If you are a leader and something is not as it should be you either Cause it, Participate in it or Allow it. What is the situation in your current reality where you need to step up? What is the unsafe, unhealthy, unproductive, uncivil behavior that you need to take action on?